*I wrote this post this morning but decided not to post it until I was a little more coherent and could do a little edititing.*
Yes.. you read the time right. Its 5am and I can't sleep. Its just one of those nights slash mornings. Thoughts have been whirling around in my brain and I need to write them down.
I've been thinking about what has changed in MY little world since a year and 1/2 ago when I was 20lbs skinnier (I have the work pants to prove it!). So what if the world is going to 'not heaven' in a hand basket? So what if the stock market can't make up it's mind to crash or not? So what if there are horrible problems of honesty in big companies and people can't figure out that if they can't afford it, they probably shouldn't buy it?
Here I am worried about 20lbs. I can't help it. I'm innately selfish. And... as Miss Crawford in "Mansfield Park" by Jane Austin said so succinctly, "Selfishness must always be forgiven, you know, because there is no hope of a cure". Of course, she turned out to a rather bad end, but that's beside the point.
I am also apparently addicted to lists. I get it from my Mother.
CHANGES IN SMARTS LIFE SINCE 2006 ............ By MSH
(My friend Lizhead from highschool always signed her lists like this)
1. We are going to ignore the glaring change to my physiology (that of joining the ranks of millions on prescribed drugs as well as needing an inhaler before any physical activity) and move on to the next fact.
2. I now live alone. My roommate/friend/huge influence in my life decided last year to move on in her spiritual progression and go live with a man. For some reason she decided to spend eternity with the love of her life instead of with me. *shaking head in nonunderstanding* This actually happened twice, although the first one didn't live with me and didn't effect my daily life as much. Both of these wonderful souls helped me learn that exercise wasn't a terrible evil, but could at times be fun. I miss them so much. I am not trying to garner any pity here (well... not very much :-)), just telling you like it is.
3. I moved down the road. And in so doing, started going to a family ward rather than a singles ward where I teach the Mia Maids. One of the main differences between a family ward and a singles ward is the activities for singles reduces somewhat... around 100% give or take a percent. I have many friends now, but they kinda have families to spend evenings and weekends with. The obvious "Thank you for pointing that out, my dear" could be applied here.
4. One benefit of moving... I am no longer a roommate to the stressful and sometimes mean Katie. She had other issues in her life that I could not help with especially since she didn't WANT help. She enjoyed her drama and negativity.
5. My boss at work changed from crazy broken Dan to solid even-tempered Arvid and funny personable Ken. This means I now saunter into work around eight and don't always leave before 6:30pm. True... I do still get my Friday afternoons off.
6. Money has stopped being as big a stresser in my life.... mostly because of the job change and recognition.
7. Instead of swimming 3 times a week, I started biking and running as well... and tried to at least swim twice a week.... ie getting ready for a triathlon. And don't say the 20lbs is muscle!! Unless u think my stomach, hips, and bum muscles increased from doing triathlons. If so, no one would EVER do a triathlon again.
8. I never was that health consience but with previous roommates we often had big salads for dinner or at least had a vegetable to go with the main meal. Now its hard to even MAKE dinner when a casadilla or a bowl of cereal will suffice. (I especially like chips and salsa for dinner)
9. I now eat 2 packets of oatmeal for breakfast instead of one and eat fishys at 10 instead of an apple or pretzles.
10. I have a Forester instead of an Impreza.
OK.. I think I'm finally tired and will go back to bed. Perhaps I can sleep now with that all off my chest. Isn't it strange the major life changes that can occur in just ONE year?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
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12 comments:
I started riding my bike to work in hopes that I'd somehow morph back into the stringy 16-year-old shape that I once was... 10 years ago. Instead of fitting into my clothes better, my thighs got all bulked up and now none of my pants fit!!!!
I can't afford new pants, but neither do I wish to appear sluttish in my skin-tight denims.
What to do, what to do...
I have since stopped exercising at all. A lot of people go have their hair cut with a "face frame." Now I have a face frame whether my hair decides so or not. I frame my face with the excess of neck that likes to pudge around the border of my chin and jaw. Quite the look, I tell ya!
That's so true. Things can change so much in one year! I mean you can go from being in a diaper to being potty trained! Ok so that has nothing to do with what you wrote about but I couldn't think of anything insightful and funny. Reamember my middle name was never smart!
I don't care what you say, I like the changes. Don't look back, just embrace'm baby.
I'm glad I am not the only one to ruin a good night sleep by allowing obsessive thoughts to run over and over in my head.
So faced with the old adage "nothing is as permanent as change," and the attendant worrying. Now if I might wax eloquent, or bossy or motherly as you choose--well actually whether you choose or not. Change in addition to the stress it adds to your life brings a lot of good things. I think you allude to some of them. Now the trick for all of us is to concentrate on those good things. Being "old and wise" (all those smarts had to come from someplace) I find that we have survived all kinds of political and social change and even some things that I thought were horrible at the time brought about some good and lots turned out not to matter that much over time. So--- buy some bagged or instant salads, bake you a sweet potato to have with some cottage cheese and eat a healthful quick easy after work meal. And, remember that We Love You, just the way you are today and will be tomorrow!!
Much sympathy. I've always hated change on principle. Even when it was indisputably good. (please excuse typing errors, the baby boy is helping). My current attempt at an exercise regime is a 'mommy & me' swim class and a short yoga c lass. Once a wee kfor both of th eo se ).
so rry
And sympathy with activity disconnect in the new ward.
Much sympathy on the cooking too. Aaron is traveling this week and I can barely make myself do anything more than mac and cheese for me and the boy. I hate cooking for just myself. I hate cooking for a small boy who throws most everything on the floor out of general principle. Sometimes if I ignore him, and he's hungry, he eventually eats something. Either that or things are vaporized by some mysterious process. ...just like the ice cream in the freezer come to think of it... Must be an alien invasion.
Anyway, it's good to hear from you and much luck with everything. Enjoy the triathlon!
Hannah formerly Jensen
I like this post. I also like Mom's comments! It does sound like being in shape (or whatever the opposite is) is what is causing you most stress, or at least the most thoughts at crazy hours of the day (to me there is only one 5:00 in the day, and its definatey not the am one!). I think what is interesting is that while you've had major life changes in just a year, I've been the same for the last 3 years or so (see I managed to make this about me!).
I'll tell you what "in the world" has changed... the world thinks that women have to be 20 lbs under weight to look good! I was looking at some 19th century art in San Francisco last week, and the womens body's were so normal and beautiful. It was funny how all of the women seemed to pause at those paintings and make a remark of that sort - unbeknownst to each other. Anyway, thanks for being so open. I appreciated your honesty because there have been some things I have been frustrated with lately and packing around a few extra lbs has been one of them. I'm not doing as well as I would like, but I have learned a few things about eating, snacking, etc. that have helped me - if you're interested I can share them with you. I'd also love to hear what you've learned too. I can use all the help I can get. Also, I feel bad I haven't commented for a while on your blog, even though I have been following it.
Everyone left great comments.. its interesting how differently each of u approached the post. I'm not necessarily afraid of change (Mom.. no comments!) its just funny how all they creep up on u and a year later u realize how different u (and those areound u)now are. We can all share this. And I will continue to lament about my pudgyness... mostly because of how unproportional it makes my small head!(did u know unproportional and nonproportional and illproportional are not real words? whoda thunk?)
I am definately glad that you are in a family ward, because its my ward and now I know you whereas if you were in a singles ward, I wouldn't.
I love v.t.ing you every month and getting to know you better.
I love your blog and all of the funny and insightful things that you post.
I can't believe that you can do a triathletion (sp?). You are amazing.
I'm glad that you are my friend.
Your blog has made me think of the different things that have changed in my life this last year. There have been plenty of changes! Some of them you mentioned :) I think you have made several possitive changes. You have worked very hard at work (that's why they like you), training for triathlons, and church calling. You are amazing! (Yes, you can borrow my middle name)
I love your list! I love chips and salsa for dinner too. Hopefully my family does too since sometimes I'm too busy blogging to cook.
I think the 20 extra pounds must be all muscle from training for your triathlons because you don't look any different.
Enjoy living alone. On those mornings when you get out of the shower and realize all your clean clothes are in the dryer and your towel falls off you while your rummaging around in the dryer and you see you kids staring at you you'll wished you lived alone.
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